And So It Goes

I fell yesterday. It wasn't a bad fall. There were no broken bones, no torn ligaments, no cuts. There may be bruises but I cannot see them. Yet fall I did. It was a different kind of fall, like the fall that happened in the Costco lot the Sunday before I was diagnosed. It was a fall that should not have happened, except something has changed.

This fall took place when I was fully braced, held up by the tailgate of my truck. My arms were holding me in place, only they didn't. They let go, gave out completely, and I slid down, my legs buckling underneath me and my feet folding under them. Fortunately I was getting up from my wheelchair; I fell back into the foot frame and that kept me from sliding onto the ground.

Of late I have noticed that my arms are getting weaker. I am less able to hold up my body with them. When I do, the muscles scream at me, aching and yelling for relief from the workload. My fingers get tired too. Typing is slower and less accurate. My hands shake from the wear and tear of daily activities.My wrists are sore.

My lower legs are getting worse too. My calf muscles were capable of some work up until lately. I had some foot movement, some ability to move my left foot. I could still work the gas pedal in the truck with my right, and perhaps I still can to some small degree; not much, but enough to see that there was still ability. That ability is fast fading.

This morning I was short of breath from the stress of walking from my bedroom to the kitchen with my walker. I can still do this, mostly. By the time I get to the dining area I have to transfer to sitting on the walker instead of walking with it. From there I can roll into the kitchen. Even so, I need to rest for a few minutes, to catch my breath and give wearing muscles a chance to recover. They never recover all the way; there is always a small, infinitesimally small yet real and over time measurable, backwards loss that never rebuilds.

Ricky says I need to spend more time in my wheelchair. I suspect he is right. I am still fairly capable with the chair. Small ramps and slopes present small problems. Larger slopes, heavy angles, door sills and other impediments make for more challenge. I am going to have to start using my power chair soon. It's another backwards step, another loss.

And so it goes.