This his how I start so many days, looking at them as a new start, a new chance to do something good with my day and my life. I start each day by forgiving myself for yesterday and by asking God to forgive me in advance for the mistakes I will make today, knowing full well that I will make lots of them. When I am most beaten, most worn, most tired, most exhausted, I sleep and in that slumber hope seeps into me like the rain that falls on a low, dry field, filling each heat hardened crack and pore, bringing back the life that lies within the soil.
It's all very 23rd Psalm-ish. For example Verse 3 of that Psalm says "He restoreth my soul". With what I have faced in my life recently, my soul definitely needs restoration. When I awaken and don't find myself seeing the world through refreshed eyes and a restored soul, I know something is seriously out of place, that I am seriously out of sync with my life. When I don't awaken with a new hope for the day, something is seriously wrong.
I am certainly walking "through the valley of the shadow of death" these days. Yet even with this I can start each day seeking opportunity. Even though the first thoughts of my day are often around my illness, limitations and death, I almost always end up seeing beyond this physical limitation and seeking the spiritual and emotional opportunities. These days in the shadows are so difficult, yet each day I awaken and see hope.
This is why I don't commit suicide, or at least haven't yet. Each day, so far, presents a chance for something good to happen. Each day gives me the chance to see more, do more, live more. Each day is a chance for life. I plan to live it.
You are beyond brave my dearest, you are above courageous. You are siprituality at it's best.
ReplyDeletelove you
Mom
Soon I won't be able to see the words I need to use to get my comments published. It is becoming difficult. My eyes are getting bad at reading.
ReplyDeletelove
Mom