When Life Isn't Good

I have a friend who likes to say that "life isn't fair but it's good." What do you do when life stops being good? That is something I have to face, or will have to face soon. Right now I am suffering with the pain from my shoulder and knees along with the frustrations of my wheelchair and loss of mobility. It's very hard amidst this pain and struggle to find anything good.

The other day I noted that in most cases a good night's sleep was the most helpful way of dealing with the difficulties of my life. I also noted that when I awoke without feeling better, something was seriously wrong. Well, something is seriously wrong. This is the third day in a row where I have awoken in physical pain while struggling with depression and distress.

My brother says "suffering is part of life; misery is optional." Some days misery is not optional. Some days are just plain miserable. The last few days have been like that for me. Of course once the pain killers cut in the day is slightly less miserable, but it is a misery to awaken in this state with the pain killers from the night before having worn off and the discomfort of an awkward sleeplessness laying over me like a blanket.

In the end it hardly seems worth all the effort. After all, once this bout of pain and difficulty passes another will arise to take its place. This will go on until I can take it no more. Then I will die. You see, hopelessness is just another form of pain. Depression is just another form of pain. It's all so pointless, so lonely.

I am tired. I need rest. Life isn't good right now.