Why Me?

Kate has given me another card, one with cute stickers all over the front. Inside she has her own epigraph, words of encouragement to me. She says "You can't let life get in the way of living". It is hard sometimes to get ALS out of the way, to not let this turn of life get in the way of living. Overall, though, I think I do a pretty good job.

A friend and I were trying to set up a dinner appointment yesterday. We compared calendars and both of us realized we had very busy schedules. Each of us has days with little in them, yet those days seem well offset by the activity filled days. Today, for example, is a very quiet day for me, with no homecare workers coming in, no appointments, no shopping plans. Yet tomorrow is filled from 9:00 AM until well into the evening. It just works out that way.

I like my busy life. I like living it. I like getting out and being social, enjoying the pleasure of friends both here at home and my favourite haunts around the city. I like their company; I come alive in the company of others. As my world closes in around me and ALS confines me more and more, my hope is that, when I cannot go to the party, the party will come to me. Regardless, I am going to keep heading for the party as long as I can.

Both Johnny Cash and Kris Kristoffersen made a hit out of a song called "Why Me". You might think that this would be a plaintive country song asking God why so many bad things were happening. It is not. In fact it is an uplifting song, thanking God for all the good in life. The opening lyric is "Why me Lord what have I ever done; To deserve even one of the pleasures I've known."

While I get sad at times, down at times about the way my life has turned out, I need to be reminded now and then that at least I've had a life, and a pretty good one at that. As I said to another friend the other night, "I'm pretty happy with my life except for this one small health problem." It's important for me to remember that struggle and suffering are an inevitable part of living, and so is death. The struggle that I am going through as I head towards my final end is really only one small part of my life. I've had a lot of pleasures along the way.