Let It Be

"Everything can be taken from a man or woman but one thing; the last of human freedom is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." Viktor E. Frankl

They have not yet begun to work on the elevator in my building. There are still signs up saying the elevator will be out of service starting on March 2nd, yet here it is March 4th and it appears as if no work has yet been done. I've just used it to go get my mail. I wonder how many other people, as I have, made plans around having or not having the elevator. How many appointments were changed, deliveries pushed forward, visits cancelled?

I worry about the change in calendar. Will they be a week late in starting? Perhaps two? Will I return from my road trip only to discover they have barely begun the work instead of the near completion I expected? Perhaps the reason they say "up to three months" for the out of service period is to allow for just this kind of delay. A good project manager would have this kind of risk buffer in the plan.

Yet with all of this, I can see the conundrum. Is this a bad thing or a good thing? I thought I would be trapped at home this week; last night I got out to Trivia at both the Unicorn and the Cat 'n Fiddle. Today I got my own mail. I still have at least some of my freedom, albeit hung under the threat of sudden loss of lift capabilities.

There are a lot of things in my life that could "get to me". On any given day there are people in and out, putting things in cupboards where I can't reach them, hiding things in closets where I can't find them. Home care workers leave the care plan book on my dresser instead of on my fridge, or forget to take out the garbage because they are in a hurry to leave. People park in handicapped spots without tags. People make right hand turns from left lanes. I can't lift myself out of my wheelchair anymore. I can't rack wine without help. Lots and lots and lots of things which could leave me angry and bitter.

Well, I like Frankl's approach. I will lose everything in this disease, even my life. Ultimately the only thing I will have left is my attitude. I do my best to keep it positive, upbeat. Sometimes I fail, spectacularly. Sometimes the anger and frustration get out, an avalanche of emotion. Mostly though, I take the passive approach; let it be, or find another way to get it done. For the elevator, I can do nothing to effect change. Let it be.