Exhausted Insomnia Sufferer

On Saturday morning I woke up tired, willing to do nothing but sleep for a while. I dd not. Instead I got up and started preparing for my Thanksgiving Dinner. As it turned out, it was a small group when it comes to one my partities; there were only 8 of us. A typical party for me runs from 12 to 20 people. Perhaps it was good that it was small. I am running out of the energy needed for large events.

Even small events like Saturday night can leave me worn to a nub. Add a brownie on top to help me sleep, and I am gone, long gone. When I work up Sunday morning, I simply declined the opportunity to get out of bed. Sam, my HCA, dressed me partially as is now the routine for days like this. She emptied my jug and made sure I took my pills. Then she left.

I slept. I slept all of Saturday night after being tucked in by Jessica; I am sure the brownie helped. I slept all of Sunday, barely waking to pee as needed. I don't really remember much else except removing my underwear at some point. They were damp. I took a sleeping pill at 9:00 PM to make sure I would sleep through the night. I don't know if I needed it or not, but I did sleep through the night, finally waking at 10:15 AM this morning to buzz my HCA, Sam, into the building.

You might think that taking the sleeping pills and eating the brownies is why I sleep so much. Alas I wish this were true; I could simply stop them. All the brownies and sleeping pills do is allow my body to do what it wants to do regardless. Sleep. What I find without them is that in spite of my constant sleepiness, I have trouble getting to sleep. Yes, someone with exhaustion also suffers from insomnia. Sleep issues are endemic within the ALS community. We simply don't sleep well, even though we are tired all the time.

So today, even though I feel like I could go back to sleep right now, I am going to go out, do some shopping, then come home to rack some wine that should have been racked yesterday. Oh, and I will eat turkey leftovers for dinner, and perhaps as a late night snack. Hell, I might even do some laundry today. It doesn't really matter. I am still tired as hell and will still have trouble getting to sleep tonight. That's how it works.