It's My Own Fault This Time

I have to give credit where credit is due. My HCA's have figured out this condom catheter thing, especially the part about getting the retainer band right. I have for days now without an incident. The catheters have held so tight that the evening HCA has had trouble removing them! I also have to post blame where blame is due, pointing that finger right at myself.

Today Kathy put on my catheter as usual. It held, as usual. Right up until the moment when I thought I could improve on things. For the last few hours the tip of my penis has been tingling, kind of painful. I attributed this, and probably rightly so, to the penis band being on too tight. When it gets that way I usually loosen it ever so slightly, but not past the point where the head of my penis can slip through and retreat into my body.

Today when I loosened the band, the pain did not stop. Not thinking that it could be something else, I loosened it again, just the slightest fraction too much. The instant, the very nanosecond in time, when the head of my penis could slip through the band it did so, retreating at full speed back into the warm shelter of my body faster than a clam's neck slips into the depths beneath grasping fingers. As this backwards retraction took place, my bladder decided to punish me even further, releasing the results of the litre and a half of water I have had to drink so far today. The pressure shot the condom catheter off like a balloon off the end of a water hose, spraying me profusely as it went.

So. Now I am wet, and without catheter protection. I am going to try to attach one myself, something I have not successfully done for quite some time. On the plus side I have plenty of towels near at hand, and a washcloth for my hands. Yes, I need it. So much for ALS patients retaining control of their bladder. It's another one of the great lies of this disease.